


The Darkness Within

by reyloflow



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Reylo AU - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Alternative Universe - FBI, Crimefiction, F/M, How Do I Tag, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Bad At Tagging, Other, POV Rey (Star Wars), Star Wars - Freeform, The Force, idk - Freeform, reylo au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-04-27 22:49:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14435817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reyloflow/pseuds/reyloflow
Summary: Rey Nikana has come a long way. Still struggling with the demons from her past she prepares for the first steps in her career as a special agent. Together with her best friend Finn she moves to Washington to start training for the NCAVC (National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crime).Unbeknownst to her moving to Washington and accepting this Job would turn out to be tougher than expected. It would change her life in many ways...





	1. Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING:
> 
> The Plot of this story got darker than I intended for it to be.  
> It contains mature content, including explicit and suggestive language.   
> Please note that this kind of a crime fiction so it contains footage some readers may find distressing as in very graphic language and descriptions. ( I'll try to put extra warnings before those specific chapters begin.)
> 
> If you are triggered by any of the content mentioned above, I suggest you don't read the story.
> 
> If you still want to continue however, I hope you enjoy it and please bear with me since this is the first Fanfiction I've ever written.
> 
> I tried to do some research before writing the Chapters. If i make any mistakes along the way I apologize in advance.
> 
> Please don't hesitate to give me Feedback. It's always welcomed!
> 
> Enjoy!

It's happening again.. I see my 7 year old self in a white nightgown standing in front of my father in a far too familiar house. The place i used to call my home. It's the middle of the night. My Doll Daisy, my mother helped me make tightly clenched in my small hands.

_Close your eyes Honey, I don't want you to see this._

_What is happening Daddy ? What happened to Mommy ? Why are your hands Red and sticky ?_

_Look at me Rey. Everything is going to be okay. We're okay. I need you to hide in that closet over there, close your eyes and cover your ears. Can you do that for me ?_

_Yes, Daddy._

_I love you , We love you. Always remember that. Now go._

_I love you too Daddy...Daddy ? Who is that man behind you ?_

_GET OUT OF HERE HONEY..RUN... DON'T LOOK BACK...RUN_

_DADDY!_

_Let her stay. Let her see what I do to you. Remember my face girl... You'll see it again... in your Nightmares._

_RUN REY!_

As my father fights the intruder I run past them towards the stairs. A sudden scream startles me. I fail to see the last step of the stairs and trip. Without hesitation I quickly get back on my feet and run through the front door. I notice Daisy lying on the floor next to the stairs as I take one last look behind myself but it's too late. Somebody in a uniform grabs my wrist. I can't go back to get her.

\---

Suddenly i find myself sitting in a police car. Officers are staring at me. There are reporters trying to get pictures.   
I see men in uniforms putting two large caskets into a van.

_I'm Jack Nikana, this is my wife Rebecca... We're here to help you. What's your name ?_

_M-My na-name is R-Rey. W-Where are they ? I-I want to see them._

_I'm afraid they're gone Rey... They're in a better place now. Don't worry you'll be safe with us. We'll take care of you._

_NO! I WANT MY PARENTS! I WANT TO GO HOME! MOMMY ? DADDY ?_

\--

I'm sitting in a chair. Rebecca is next to me hugging me tightly. There are several people in the room trying to talk to me.

_Describe his face Rey. We need to find him. What did he look like ?_

_Tell us Rey... We want to help you..._

_Rey... try to remember his face_

_TELL US REY_

_REY!_

"REY!"

Someone is violently shaking my body.   
"WAKE UP REY!". Ice cold water hits my face and I'm suddenly awake in my bed with Mara staring at me angrily.   
"Finally! My God do you ever think about anyone else besides yourself ?" She stands up, "We get it, you have issues. It's fucking 4am on a Sunday and you're screaming like a maniac, while me and mom are trying to sleep. Get your shit together." Mara walks out of my room slamming the door behind her. I feel tears forming in my eyes while I hug my knees and try not to scream in agony.

Once I feel like my eyes aren't capable of producing any more tears I get up and look at myself in the mirror. My eyes are bloodshot red from crying. I have dark circles beneath my eyes from the lack of sleep i've been having lately. My shirt is wet from the cold water Mara just threw at me. My brown hair are messy and my hands feel numb from gripping my sheets too tightly.  
5:30am... Looks like I won't be going back to sleep for as long as I can avoid it.   
I change into my gym shorts and a tanktop and head out for a jog.

This isn't the first time this has happened. The Nightmares have been haunting me all my life but every year on this day, they seem to get worse. _Why me ?_..A question I ask myself every single day. _Why me ?_

I put in my headphones and turn on some music as I start to run down the street trying to avoid thinking about what happened on this day all those years ago. I don't care where I'm going. I just need to run. Run until I can't feel my legs anymore... until I can't feel anything...Just Numbness.

—-

_HONK! HOOOONK!_

"Hey! Watch where you're going!" A stranger screams at me while driving by. "I'm Sorry!" I quickly reply as I feel my heart pounding in my chest and cold air filling my lungs.  
I take a seat at a nearby bench.

Will I ever be able get my license ? I promised myself I would someday...But every time I even sit in a car all I can think about is Rebecca and James...James... why did you have to leave me alone in this horrible world ?...where would we be now if you didn't insist on picking me up from Finn's house that night ?   
And Rebecca...you were always so sweet and loving...you would run into my room and sing to me until I calmed down and fell asleep again when I used to have my night terrors but now it feels like I'm all alone... Jack and I really miss you...wherever you are...

As I walk home i pass by a small park. There are little children giggling and happily playing in the sand. Their mothers watching them carefully.   
I wish i could see the world through the children's eyes. A world of wonder, innocence and magic.

"No man knows the value of innocence and integrity but he who has lost them. - William Goodwin", I quote to myself. A quote Finn once told me back when we first met in our senior year of high school.

He was right after all.


	2. Surprises

"Oh great! She's back" Mara says sarcastically as i step through the doorway.   
"Leave me alone. Don't you have anything better to do than torment me ?" I spit back.  
"Torment ? Oh please. You're such a pain in the ass. I can't wait for you to leave."  
"Oh Trust me. Neither can I" I say grabbing an apple and start walking up to my room.

I feel a tap on my shoulder. "Rey are you okay ? I heard you screaming in the night. Did you take your medication ?" Lilly asks with a look of worry on her face, although I know she's scared. Not scared for me but scared of me.

Jack never told her about what exactly happened that night or the other two nights that forever changed my life. She never seemed to care enough to ask about it either, not even after they got engaged....but I don't care anyways. I'll be out of here soon enough.

"I'm fine. I was just having Nightmares. I'm sorry for waking you, I know you have a lot on your hands with planning the wedding and all." I reply forcing a smile hoping she won't ask about my medication again.   
" Oh don't worry about it. You're leaving soon anyways, so one last night of less sleep won't hurt." _Wow_ , she probably can't wait for me to leave.  
"Uhh yeah, well I better go have a shower sooo see ya" I quickly turn and walk into my room.

—-

I get out of the shower, wrap a towel around my body and sit on my bed. I turn to see the little orange container on my nightstand.  
I take a pill out of the container and look at it.   
"Prozac, my old friend."

The pills have been with me most of my life. I can't help but chuckle at myself while thinking about how the orange pill containers have been around me longer than any person in my entire life, well except Jack I guess.   
My doctor believes i don't need them anymore. She ordered me to only take a pill when needed now. I used to take them every single day.   
I'm surprised to admit that i actually haven't taken one ever since and i don't believe I need to. Still i keep them close to me, out of habit maybe.  
I haven't told anyone that they put me off my medication. I think people would freak out thinking I'm a ticking time bomb.  
Maybe i should have taken one yesterday in preparation for the emotional pain today but i didn't. I want to feel the pain. Just to remind me that I'm still alive.

_Ding_

I reach for my phone after I put the pill back into the container and see that I have a message from Finn. I take a bite out of the apple and open the message.

_Finn: Hey peanut! Are you excited for tomorrow ?_

I start typing...

_Me: Are you kidding ? I couldn't be happier to get out of this place! Hbu ? Did you leave already ?_

_Finn: Haha. Yeah I just got here. I'm sitting in my apartment. It's so weird! Who would have thought ?! When are you getting here ? Do you want me to come and get you ?_

_Me: I know! I can't believe we will be actually made it... No don't worry about me, i'm catching the train later tonight...I already got the keys to my apartment so i'll just drop off my things and meet you there i guess._

_Finn: Okay... let me know if you need anything. Don't forget...we have to be there at 7am! What a nightmare..._

_Me: It's the FBI what did you expect ?! See you there!_

I toss my phone on my bed and start to get ready for the day. I put on my underwear, skinny jeans, bra and a comfortable black sweater. After drying and combing my hair I put them into my classic three buns and head downstairs.

" What are you doing here ?" I hear Mara say to someone in the kitchen. Who is she talking to ? I head towards the kitchen.

"REY !!!"

"Jack ? What are you doing here ?" I ask with a huge smile on my face. His face instantly lightens my mood. He walks towards me and hugs me tightly.

" What do you mean ? My little Rey is officially starting her training tomorrow!" He breaks the hug and looks at me proudly. "Of course I had to come home and drive you there myself"

"Wait..what ? But what about your students ? Don't you have classes to teach ?"

" Don't worry about that Sweetie. I took a few days off to drive you there personally. Are you all packed ?"

" That's so sweet of you!" I can feel Mara roll her eyes but I don't care...I couldn't be happier right now. "And yes I'm all packed"

"Great! Well it's 1pm already. How about we leave in 30 minutes ?"

"But you just got here Jack" Lilly interrupts.

He walks up to her and kisses her. " Don't worry babe. I'm just going to drop her off. I'll be back later".

"Okay, drive safe" she smiles.

" Well, I guess I'll start to put my boxes in your car."

" Do you need a hand ?" He asks.

"No, thanks. I don't have that much boxes anyways. Most of them are already in my apartment" I reply and run upstairs to grab my stuff.

\---

"I think this is it...Everything is in your car." I exclaim breathing heavily from running up and down the stairs. There were only 3 boxes and my handbag. I really need to start working out more.

"Good. Let's get going then. Do you have everything ?" Jack asks.

" Yeah I checked twice" I reply smiling.

Lilly comes up to me and hugs me awkwardly. "Well I guess this is Goodbye for now. But we'll see you soon anyways. Good Luck with your training." I break the hug, kind of shocked that it even happened.

"Y-Yeah thanks. See you soon. Let's get going Jack." I quickly get into the car.   
Mara, of course, didn't even bother saying goodbye. I feel relieved, I don't think I could hug her awkwardly and act like I care about her. Even Jack and Lilly know we don't get along at all.

Jack kisses Lilly and joins me in the car.  
"You ready kid ?"   
"Ready as I will ever be."  
And we drive off as i take one last look around my hometown of Jakku.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello You :)  
> Thank you for reading this chapter. I really hope you like it. I have so much stuff planned for this FF. I hope you'll be joining me along the way :)  
> I'll try to update as frequently as possible.   
> Please let me know how you like it so far in the comments :)
> 
> BTW i see how Rey's past can be a bit confusing so far.. don't worry the next chapter will answer most of your questions ;)


	3. A ride to remember

" So, are you ready for your big day tomorrow ?" Jack asks me while driving.

" I- I don't know. I guess i am.. well to be honest I'm scared. It's just a bit overwhelming you know. I never expected to get this far and it's a big change for me.. living alone for the first time in my life and having this huge opportunity but not knowing what to expect" I blurt out.

"Rey, you don't need to be scared. You are the strongest person I know. I am so proud of what you've achieved."

I feel tears form in my eyes, happy tears.

"You've been through so much but you've never let it hold you back. You graduated as valedictorian, always had the best grades and I feel honored to have been able to see you blossom into a strong woman. I'll be honest I did have my doubts when you told me you wanted to step into my footsteps and work for the FBI but I never for one second believed that you wouldn't make it."

"Thank you Jack. I couldn't have done it without you...what did you have doubts about ?" I hesitantly ask.

"I was worried you wanted to do it for the wrong reasons but I soon realized you want to help people and prevent those terrible things that happened to you happening to other people. You have a good heart Rey."

I know what he means. He thought I wanted to work for the FBI to find the murderer of my parents and get revenge. The crazy thing is that he isn't wrong. I feel that it is my duty to avenge them. There hasn't been a day in my life where I didn't imagine shooting him myself. But of course i don't tell Jack all of this.

I imagine his face every day, especially today. Jack doesn't talk about it with me. He knows it will just make me sad. But I remember his deformed, gray and wrinkly face like he was struck by lightning or something and those horrible yellowish eyes.  
The officers didn't believe me of course. They believed I was in shock and imagining things because I was a child.

It was always easy for me to talk about what's on my mind with Jack but things like that I had to keep to myself. I could tell him. I trust him with my life but I know he'd be disappointed in me and I couldn't live with that.  
He's been there through everything i've been through and when we lost Rebecca we were each other's rock. I'll never forget that day. I had just arrived home from shopping for my prom dress which I didn't even end up going to. When I saw the police cars outside of the house my heart immediately dropped. I knew something bad had happened. I ran inside and Jack sat me down while I was freaking out and crying.

_There has been a car accident Rey. Rebecca didn't make it._

He had said with tears in his eyes. He'd lost the love of his life but still, he stayed strong for me. He even quit his Job to take care of me and started training the younger generation of agents so he could have more time for me.  
I had lost the woman who took care of me and tried to raise me the best she could after what happened to my parents. The woman who always put me first and held me when I was scared. He did his best to be there for me in her place.  
He's like a second father to me although i can never call him _Dad_ but he never minds that. He never did.

—-

We have been driving for an hour and my mind drifted off. Thinking about several things until my mind came to James...

" Hey Jack can i ask you something personal ?"

" Sure kid. Shoot."

" After you lost Rebecca how did you know you were ready to love again..to move forward ? "

" Love isn't something you can plan. It happens when you least expect it. I took the time to grieve for Rebecca and a part of me will always love her but I realized she would want me to move on. I didn't plan on moving on but it just happened and when it did, it had been years since we had lost Rebecca so i felt like it was ok. James would want you to move on too Rey. He was a great guy."

He really was. We started dating in high school. He asked me out to the movies to watch Star Wars. I wasn't really interested in watching it but I liked him so I immediately said yes. I don't even think I watched the movie, I just kept staring at him like a creep. His sun kissed skin, green eyes and short brown hair. He was such a great guy but I lost him too.

We were in university and I was at Finn's house studying for an exam. He wanted to pick me up because he was in town for a week and we hadn't seen each other in a while because he studied in a different city.  
But he never made it.  
All I remember is my phone ringing and his mother crying a lot telling me that he'd gotten into a car accident and died on the   
spot. I completely broke down and Finn held me until Jack picked me up. Finn stayed with us for about 3 weeks until i was in a normal state again. I will always love him for that.  
The funny thing is after I lost James I started to watch Star Wars because it reminded me of him, turns out it is pretty good. Actually it's really good.

" Why do you ask ? Is there something going on with Finn and you ?" Jack asks tearing me away from my thoughts.

" What ? NO!... we're just friends. He's like a brother to me. Also he is dating this girl called Rose. I just asked out of curiosity." I quickly reply before he gets more into this subject.

Finn actually has recently broken up with Rose. I don't know what happened between them or why but I know better than to ask. He will tell me when he's ready to talk about it.

" Anyways, I just wanted to give you a little heads up. Your boss, Agent Crawford and your Professor, Dr. Davis know about your past. Agent Crawford called me asking about you he's an old colleague of mine. They'll probably have a word with you or you know try to give you special treatment."

" That's exactly what i don't want. Why should I get special treatment ? Every person in my class has the same education and degrees like me. Why should I get special treatment just because I had a traumatic childhood. Finn grew up in foster care for years before he was adopted by his parents. He had a traumatic childhood too. Why doesn't he get special treatment then ? "

" I know Sweetie. I get what you're saying. I don't like it either. I know you are looking forward to finally be with people who have the same interest as you and make new friends without having to worry about them knowing your past. He'll probably try to talk to you. Don't be afraid just tell him how you feel. He's a nice guy, he'll understand."

" Ok. I will. So what else can i expect ? "

" Nothing too fancy. You'll get to know everything tomorrow. When I did the training we were around 50 people but only 10 got the Job in the end. There will probably be less than that. I only had 15 students in my class last year so your chances on getting the Job are pretty high. And don't you worry i know Finn and you can do it just believe in yourself."

" Thank you. I'm relieved that Finn will be going through it with me." I reply.

—-

After getting some food along the way and listening to the radio we finally arrive at my apartment. It's in the middle of the city in a quite busy area but i like it and it's only 2 blocks away from Finn's place.

We get my boxes out of the car and start going up to my apartment on the second floor. I quickly open the door with my keys as I see Jack struggling with the boxes. As soon as we get in we drop the boxes and take a breath of relief.

The apartment is small but comfortable. I have already brought most of my stuff here and unpacked already in my free time.   
When I come in, the first thing I see is the living room with the open kitchen. There is a couch in the middle of the living room with a dark wooden table in front of it and a TV hanging on the wall. There is a small hallway with a mirror leading to my bedroom and the bathroom.

" It's almost 6pm already! I better get going so I can be back in time. Will you be okay ? Do you need anything ? " Jack asks.

" No, I'll be fine. I think i'm just going to have an early night so I can be ready for tomorrow. Thank you so much for driving me here Jack. You must be so tired. "

" I would do anything for you Rey. Just promise me you'll think about getting your license soon. I know you ready. And don't hesitate to call me if you need anything. Stay safe " He says as he pulls me into a tight hug.

" I will think about it. I promise. Drive safe and please message me as soon as you get home." I reply.

" I will." Jack smiles and breaks the hug.

He leaves. As he closes the door I suddenly feel mixture of sadness and excitement hitting me. This is it. This is really it. I have my own place and I'm on my own. I'm officially an adult now.   
How scary.

I change into some comfortable clothes and turn on the TV as I wait for Jack to text me he arrived home safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow.. this chapter got longer than i expected.. Almost 2000 words!
> 
> I hope you liked it and got more insight into Rey's horrible past.


	4. The First Day

A ringing suddenly awakens me from my sleep. Once I open my eyes I come to realize the ringing is coming from my phone.

_Wait...Is it morning already ? Did I fall asleep ? Have I overslept ? Could it be possible I finally slept through the night without any nightmares ?_

I feel panic rise inside of me. The ringing breaks me from my train of thought. I pick up the phone not really looking who it is calling me.

"Hello ?" I say with a raspy voice, still confused with what is going on.

"Rey ? It's me, Finn. Where have you been? I've been messaging you like crazy!"

"Jack drove me here yesterday. I was so tired when I got home that I must've fallen asleep while watching TV. Wait..What time is it? What's going on. DID I OVERSLEEP? I'm totally going to be late aren't I —"

"REY CALM DOWN. Everything is fine. You're not late. You still have time. I was just calling to ask if you want me to pick you up in like 30 minutes." Finn says slightly worried.

"Thank god you woke me. Yes, I'll meet you in front of my apartment in 30." I sigh in relief.

"Cool, See you then."

" Thank you Finn. You're the best." I hang up and take a look at my messages.

_15 messages from Finn  
1 message from Jack_

I open Jacks message.

_I just got home. Quit worrying and go to sleep sweetheart._

Unbeknownst to him I was already asleep when he messaged me. 5:45am... I better shower and get ready.

_____

Wearing my black pantsuit with a white shirt underneath I tie my hair into a bun and put on some light makeup.

After I'm done I grab my phone, keys, notebook and head out.

_____

Finn is already waiting for me in his car.

"Hey", I smile hugging him once I take a seat. He's wearing a black suit with a light blue shirt underneath. "You look smart! Have you been waiting long?"

"Thanks you look quite smart yourself! Not at all. I just got here. Here, I brought coffee and bagels."  
He hands me a cup and a paper bag.

"What would I do without you Finn?" I smile as he gets ready to drive off.

"Miss me, probably." He winks at me and we both laugh.

I start eating my bagel as we drive. I know it's only 15 minutes from here. Once we got the acceptance letters we immediately went on a road trip to check out our new home to be.

-

Finn hands me a little violet gift box once I finish eating.

"What's this?"

"Just something I wanted you to have. Go on...open it!" he says excitedly.

I give him a smile and open the little violet box. A look of confusion washes over me as I take a look of what's inside.

"A key?" I ask with furrowed eyebrows.

"Yes. It's a key to my apartment. I had it made. Before you say anything just listen. I've known you for so many years now. It's not a secret that things can get...overwhelming for you quickly. Now that you're living on your own I imagine it's even worse. I want you to be able to reach me 24/7. No matter what time it is. Whenever you need me I'll be here Rey."

Tears form in my eyes. How on earth did I deserve to have such a great friend as Finn in my life. Trying to hold back my tears I give him a warm smile and put the key into my keyring.

"Thank you Finn. You know that goes both ways right?"

"Of course...We're here." we exchange nervous smiles.

___

It wasn't a far walk from the parking lot. The building looks intimidating. It's huge with the writing "Washington University" engraved at the top. We aren't allowed in the actual NCAVC quarters until we actually get the job. For the training part we have to be here which is weird considering we already went to university and got our degrees just to get back here again... another University.

"We still have 20 minutes. Let's hope we don't get lost. Come on I think it's this way!" Finn exclaims as I silently follow him.  
I can feel myself become nervous.

_What if Jack was wrong ? What if I can't do this ?_

"Rey! watch out!"

I quickly look up but it's already too late. I slam into someone's chest and almost fall but I feel someone grab both of my shoulders and save me.  
My cheeks flush with embarrassment. I look up to see a large man around 6'3 with wavy black hair, pale skin and the deepest brown eyes I have ever seen staring at me.

_It's like he's staring into my soul._

He breaks our eye contact and lets go of my shoulders giving me an angry glare.

"Watch where the fuck you're going." he says furiously.

"I-I'm sorry." is all I can blurt out. Almost like a whisper.

"Of course you are." he pushes me to the side and keeps walking.

Finn comes up to me and puts an arm around me.

"What on earth? That was extremely rude! What's that guy's problem ? Are you okay ?"

"Yes I am. Let's just go."

___

We finally reach a small lecture hall which holds seats for about 50 people. There are about 10 people already sitting. Finn and I take a seat in the second row.

"How many more people do you think will come ?" I whisper to Finn although everyone is talking in their normal voice.

"Well there's still 10 minutes left. Maybe some people will come in when it's time."

I give him a nod and look up. That's when I see him. The guy I just ran into comes through the door and takes a seat far to the left two rows behind us. He doesn't look at anyone on his way.

Finn notices too and sighs.

"Great. Mister Niceguy is one of us." he sarcastically remarks.

_

"Hey is this seat free ?" Theres a guy standing next to me. He's looking at me with a questioning look.

"Yes, of course." I quickly reply startled.

"My name is Poe. Nice to meet you two." He shakes our hands as we both introduce ourselves.

I take a glance over my left shoulder as Finn and Poe are talking about something. He's sitting by himself looking through his phone. Suddenly he glances my way. I quickly look away and feel my pulse racing.

_Shit. Did he see me looking at him ? Of course he did._

I start to listen to Finn and Poe's conversation trying to ignore the feeling of someone staring at me from behind.

Suddenly the hall goes quiet. A dark skinned woman with short hair confidently walks in and puts her purse on the table.  
She's wearing a black formal dress which goes just a little over her knees.

"Good Morning everyone. My name is Professor Annalise Davis and I have the pleasure of working with you for the next weeks.  
Today will be quite short since it's your first day here and we have to go through some basic formalities.  
As you know this is just a training we have 20 of you registered here. However only 7 of you will get the Job and start working for the NCAVC.  
You're the best of the best.You should feel proud to have come this far at your young ages. Always be on time, bring your best and you should have good chances of getting the Job.  
Our training will consist of analyzing current cases of murders which haven't been solved yet. With your expertise you will try to analyze the case and if you're lucky even help the FBI solve the case..."

2 hours pass as Professor Davis continues on about the mental tole the training will have on some of us and even lead to us quitting since we are going to see pictures of the crime scenes and dead bodies. At last she hands out different stacks of papers we have to read and sign. Papers about swearing secrecy, accepting the danger of the training causing mental suffering and a list of attendance.

"You have a two hour break now. Take the time to carefully read the papers. Don't be stupid and sign without reading them first. We will meet here at exactly 10." She leaves.

People start to get up and leave. Finn and myself decide to go to the cafeteria and read the papers while grabbing some snacks.  
It only takes us 30 minutes to read and sign.

"So this Poe guy seems cool right ?" Finn breaks the silence.

"Yeah i guess. What were you guys talking about anyways ?" I say taking a bite out of my blueberry muffin.

"Oh he was just asking where we were from. He told me he's from this place called Yavinfour, he's 32 and that he worked as a pilot for a while."

"Sounds interesting."

I see Poe entering the cafeteria. He sees me and starts grinning as he walks up to us and takes a seat next to Finn.

"So guys...I talked to the others and we are planning on meeting up for drinks later. You know...to get to know each other. Are you guys in?" Poe asks.

Finn and I exchange questioning looks. He looks at me with raised eyebrows. I already know he is trying to read me and see if I would be comfortable going. I shrug and nod.

"We're in!" Finn exclaims excitedly like a child. Poe and I start laughing.

___

"Breaks over." Professor Davis announces as opens the door to the lecture hall so we can enter.

"Before you take a seat I would like you to take your name tag and put your signed forms on the same spot your name tag was."

Everyone does as she said and takes a seat. I notice the name tag next to mine.

_Ben Solo._

Not thinking about it any further I take mine, lay down the signed papers and take a seat.  
That is when the mysterious guy from this morning walks to the table with the name tags and takes the one next to where mine was.

_So your name is Ben Solo...Nice name for someone who's such an ass...Solo indeed_

I laugh but quickly stop before Finn or Poe see and ask me to explain myself.

Professor Davis' assistant enters the room and starts going through every form to see if everyone signed while Professor Davis tells us stories about her former students who helped solve cases before.  
An hour passes. Finally her assistant gives her a nod meaning everyone signed the forms.

"Looks like everyone is on board. Since the FBI is all about teamwork, we decided to put you in groups of two."

I shuffle in my seat as I feel my anxiety level rising after hearing what she just said.

"We're all done for today. You can see who your partner is on this list we hung outside next to the door. On your way out please take one of these lists we have made for you. It contains all of your names and contact details so you can reach your partner. See you here tomorrow at 10" Professor Davis says and leaves.

Everyone gathers their things and takes a paper with the contact details on their way out. We finally reach the door just seconds away from finding out who our partner is.

"Well then let's see who I got." Finn says.

_PLEASE SAY REY...PLEASE SAY REY...PLEASE SAY REY..._

"Poe Dameron! Good thing I already know him!"

_NOOOO..._

I give him a smile to show that I'm happy for him although I'm terrified because this means I am paired with someone I don't know.

I take a step forward and look at the list searching for my name.

_PLEASE NOT BEN...PLEASE NOT BEN...PLEASE NOT BEN...PLEASE NOT BEN...PLEASE NOT BEN...PLEASE NOT BEN..._

I find my name and look at the name next to it.

"Ben Solo."

_Fuck._


	5. The bar

"Rey, you haven't spoken in 15 minutes and I'm getting worried. What happened ? who is your partner ? You still haven't told me."  
Finn asks me cautiously so I won't bash out on him. After finding out who my partner is I angrily stormed out of the building, straight to Finn's car. Finn immediately followed me. We've been sitting in silence ever since. I just can't put my head around all the events that unfolded today.

"Ugh, I'm sorry I stormed out like that Peanut."

Finn and I always call each other Peanut to lighten the mood. It's something we developed during High School. It was April Fools Day and I tricked Finn into putting Peanut butter all over his face saying it was a face mask. Of course, being Finn he believed me and did just that. I'll never forget his face when I told him it was a prank and that he looked like a peanut. He then told me he was allergic to peanuts. I started panicking and apologizing but he was pranking me back. He wiped some peanut butter off his face and smeared it onto mine. He said that now be both looked like peanuts. We laughed so much that we almost choked on our own spit.

"My partner..It's...It's fucking Ben Solo. You know...the guy I ran into or how you would say...Mr Niceguy. Of course it was going to be me. I knew it the moment you said you were partnered with Poe. How am I gonna do this Finn ? I can tell he's the worst and I don't even know the guy and he already hates me! " I panic.

"What ? That guys is your partner ? No wonder you're so stressed out! Okay listen, I get what you're saying but you're Rey and the Rey I know always gives people a second chance and is always nice to strangers...A little awkward too..but mostly nice. So just be you. I'm sure he was just nervous about today or something. You'll be fine. I mean he can't be that much of a douche. He must have skills to get where we are today. Just make a good second impression and it'll be fine" Finn explains smiling and giving me a wink as we arrive in front of my apartment.

"You know sometimes I really hate you for being right about everything. I'll try my best to be nice but I can't promise anything! And I surely won't contact him first so don't even try to convince me. Anyways what's the deal with later on. When are we meeting everybody for drinks ?"

"Aww I love you too Rey! Don't worry I won't tell you to do anything. The poor guy has enough on his plate with you as his Partner" Finn mockingly says.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean ?" I punch him in the arm.

"OW! Damn have you been working out ? That really hurt"

"Don't be such a baby and tell me when to be at the bar. Don't even think about driving there. You know you'll be drinking. I'll walk there myself. It's just like 10 minutes away."

"Be there at 6pm. We're not staying long anyways since we all have to wake up early." Finn replies.

We both hug. I watch as Finn drives away and then head up to my apartment.

_I could really use a nap right now._

I walk into my apartment immediately taking off my uncomfortable clothes and change into an oversize T-Shirt.  
After I make myself Pasta and eat some of it, I decide to take a nap for a few hours.

_____

I wake up quickly glancing at the clock on the wall to look if I've overslept - kind of wishing I did so I'd have an excuse not to go.  
4:30pm.

_There still is so much time._

Grunting, I press my face into the pillow before I gather myself and decide to slowly get ready.

As I get ready I catch myself constantly glancing at my phone for new messages but I convince myself that I'm just doing it because I'm anxious about meeting everybody.

I decide to wear simple black jeans with a petite floral buttonless blouse and my black Chelsea boots.  
I put some beach waves in my hair and then put on light makeup with a nude lipstick.

I finally leave my apartment hoping that I somewhat look presentable. I purposely leave a little late around 6:05pm so I won't be the first one to arrive. I feel my phone vibrate in the pocket of my black leather jacket. I quickly take it out to see who it is.

_Message from Finn_

I sigh in relief.

_Finn: Where are you ? You better not tell me you're bailing on me!_

_Me: Relax..I'm on my way. I just left my apartment. Am i the last one to come ? Should i be nervous ?_

_Finn: Don't worry. It's just Poe, some guy named Tyler and me right now so you're not the last one. BTW i asked Poe if Ben is coming.. He said he asked him but Ben said he doesn't drink so he didn't want to come..._

I feel my shoulders relax and take a deep breath not bothering to reply to Finn since I'm about five minutes away. 

_At least I won't have to deal with Ben so how bad can tonight get ?_

_

The bar is bigger than I expected. It seems like there mostly are students here. The sounds of conversations and laughter overpower the hipster music playing through the speakers.

_There sure are a lot of people here for a Monday._

I search through the crowd looking for Finn or Poe or anyone I can recognize from this morning.  
I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around to find Finn who embraces me into a quick hug. He says something to me but I furrow my eyebrows and motion that I don't understand him since we're standing right next to the speakers. He motions for me to take his hand. I take it and he leads me to a group of people.

There are four people sitting around a table deep in conversation but they stop once Finn and I reach the table.  
Finn pokes his elbow in my side to make me introduce myself.  
I take a deep breath.

_Here goes nothing..._

"Hey everyone. I'm Rey" I say smiling shyly.

Poe gives me a nod and smiles.

"Hello Rey, my name is Tyler." The guy next to Poe says as he shakes my hand and gives me a cheeky smile causing dimples in his cheeks. I can't help but blush. Tyler has beautiful hazel eyes , tanned skin and short dark brown hair.

I give him a smile and quickly turn to look at the girl next to him.  
"Hey. I'm Cosima. Nice to meet you Rey." Cosima also shakes my hand. I can instantly tell that she is a genuine and nice person. She has olive skin and is wearing nerdy glasses. Her dread locks are the first thing I notice. I remember almost deciding to get myself some when I was 15. Thank god Finn talked me out of it but it really suits her.

"I'm Kate." Kate shakes my hand confidently. She has fair skin, blue eyes and gorgeous long blond hair. I almost feel intimidated by her presence.

Cosima motions for me to take the seat between her and Tyler and I do. Finn takes a seat next to Poe. Everybody starts talking to each other again as I calm myself from the nervousness of introducing myself.

_So far so good._

As the evening goes on we order several rounds of cocktails and talk to one another. I am mostly taking a sip of my cocktail listening to the conversations and occasionally saying one word or two.

By 7:30 six more people had arrived and are sitting with us.  
I politely introduced myself to them not really catching their names.

"Is anyone else coming Poe ?" Cosima asks him.

"No, I don't think so. The other's had to cancel or already had other plans. I think this is it." he answers.

"So Rey.." Tyler begins. Startled I take the straw of my Mojito out of my mouth and turn to him. "you've been quiet all evening. Are you okay ?"

_Oh No...He must think I'm really weird._

" Yeah I'm okay thanks. I guess I'm a little nervous. I always get nervous meeting new people." I reply not really knowing why I just told him all of this. I should really slow down with the alcohol. I always talk too much when I'm tipsy.

"Don't worry about it! No need to be nervous here. We're all in this together...Wow...did I just quote High School Musical ?"

"You did." I reply to Tyler and we both start laughing. I feel my nervousness fading away.

"You should smile more. You look cute when you smile." Tyler suddenly says.

_Is he hitting on me ? No dummy he's just complimenting you! He's being polite!_

"T-Thank you. So are you from here ?" I quickly change the subject.

We start talking he tells me he's from here and his Dad works for the police which inspired him to get into this job. I tell him about Jack and how he inspired me to become an FBI agent. We also talk about the drunk people around the bar and start laughing at them while making up their conversations to one another.

I also talk to Cosima about this tv show called 'Hannibal' we both watched. I also tell her about the time I almost got dread locks. She laughs and confesses she had to get them because she had lost a bet to her sister and how she came to love them.

At 9pm people slowly start to go home and I also decide it's time to leave or I'll won't be able to get up in the morning.  
As I say my goodbyes, Tyler and Finn offer to walk me home but I politely decline and say that I'll be fine.

While walking home I can't get the smile out of my face, not really knowing if it's because I'm a little drunk or because this evening really turned out to be great. I am glad there was alcohol otherwise I would never have the confidence to talk to anyone today let alone joke around with Tyler and Cosima.  
I feel my phone vibrate. I stop to take it out of my jeans pocket.

_Message from Unknown Number_

_Unknown Number: Hello...Is this Rey Nikana ?_

Without thinking I start typing feeling humorous.

_Me: Yeah...new phone who dis lmao_

I put the phone back into my jeans pocket and start walking again.

__

I finally reach my apartment and unlock the door when I feel my phone vibrating again.

I take a step inside and remove my shoes before I check my phone.

_New Message from Unknown Number_

_Unknown Number: It's Ben Solo..._

I stare at the message for two minutes before it hits me.

I wrote _'new phone who dis lmao'_ to Ben fucking Solo.

"Well there goes my stupid second impression Finn.." I curse to myself.

_If Ben didn't hate me before...he must really hate me now..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to kylosbrickhousebody who inspired me with the 'new phone who dis lmao' line
> 
> I hope you're enjoying the story so far... please don't hesitate to leave some feedback!


	6. Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning** : This chapter contains graphic content.

"I'm sorry I was laughing so hard...but you have to admit it is pretty funny! Don't worry about it. Maybe he won't even mention it. He probably already forgot about it! " Finn says while I furiously walk toward the Building, dreading to see Ben.

After he picked me up from my apartment I had told him about my 'new phone who dis lmao' fiasco. He was laughing the whole ride to the University which I don't really blame him for. I had laughed at myself thinking about it before falling asleep last night.

_Maybe I did have one or two drinks to many._

I don't think I fully realized what had happened until I woke up this morning and read the messages again. I don't think I've ever cringed that hard in my entire life.

"I don't think he forgot that the annoying girl who literally slammed into him and then also ended up being his partner texted him 'new phone who dis lmao' like a overconfident teenager. What was I even thinking ? I wouldn't be surprised if he already begged Professor Davis for another partner...Actually I hope he did so I won't have to explain myself." I reply to Finn while he is walking beside me sipping on his coffee.

"Are you saying that because you really don't want to explain yourself or maybe because you'd rather be partnered with well... I don't know...a certain fella...who goes by the name of Tyler ?" Finn teases with a smirk and holds open the door to the building for me.

"W-What ? What do you mean ?" I say as I walk through the door.

"Oh come on Rey. I saw the way you were joking around with him and you were totally blushing when he introduced himself to you. You're totally smitten with him!"

"Ok first of all, stop stalking me. Second of all, nobody uses the word 'smitten' anymore. Third of all, thank you for the coffee." I take the coffee out of his hands and walk off leaving him behind, quickly taking sips of his coffee before he catches up and takes it from me.

_Am I smitten with Tyler ? Is he smitten with me ?_  
Why am I using the word smitten right now ? Damn you Finn!   
Sure he is quite handsome and funny but we're just friends...right ? I hope I didn't give him the wrong impression. The last thing I need is boy drama. 

"HEY! Give me back my coffee!" Finn comes running behind me and steals back his coffee, "And don't think I'll let you go that easily...that conversation will be continued." He says as we finally reach a group of people waiting in front of the lecture hall.  
I roll my eyes at him and walk to a small group of people I recognize from the bar. We join the group and greet everyone.

A few moments later Tyler joins the group and decides to stand next to me.

"Hey Rey! How are you ? Did you get home safely last night ?" Tyler asks.

"I'm good thanks, Yeah it only took me like 10 minutes to get home. How about you ? How long did you stay ?" I reply with a smile. I can feel Finn giving me a cheeky smile but I decide to ignore it and continue listening to what Tyler has to say.

As Tyler tells me about how he stayed for two more drinks and is currently regretting it a lot, I see Ben out of the corner of my eye making his way to the lecture hall.

I try not to make direct eye contact but I can tell that he stops a few feet away from the group and leans against the wall waiting for Professor Davis to let us in, alone of course.

I turn my attention back to Tyler who is telling me about the weird people he encountered on his way home last night. I occasionally laugh when he does so he'll think I am actually paying attention but instead I'm worrying about having to work with Ben.

"Good Morning everyone. It's good to see you have all arrived on time. Before you enter and take your seat, I would like you to sit with your assigned partner since we will be getting to business today. Alright then...Come in." Professor Davis says and unlocks the door I suddenly freeze as people start entering the lecture hall.

_Fuck.. Fuck.. Fuck.. I didn't even think about having to sit next to him.._

I feel someone gently grab my elbow and push me towards the door. I look to my right to see that it is Finn.

_He must have seen the panic written all over my face._

"Take a deep breath Rey. Just be nice...I'm sure it'll be ok. If you need me just text me and I'll be right there." Finn comforts me with a reassuring smile.

As we enter I see Ben already sitting in the third row. Finn looks at me with a questioning look on his face, waiting for me to motion that I heard him. I give him a quick nod and head towards Ben.  
I feel my heart pounding in my chest and my hands beginning to sweat as I take a seat next to him. He doesn't acknowledge me because he's to busy typing something on his phone.

_Do I say something ? Or do I wait for him to say something ? Does he even know I'm here ?_

I take a deep breath to steady my heart and decide to be brave.

First I cough to get his attention.

"H-Hey...So I guess I didn't get the chance to formally introduce myself. I'm Rey Nikana" I say smiling, hoping he won't mention yesterday's events.

"Ben Solo." He replies looking at me with a stern look.

_Wow...not much of a talker I guess..._

For a moment we stare at each other until Professor Davis thankfully interrupts by starting today's program and I decide to look straight ahead instead.

"As you know today we will be starting the official training. Like I said we will be working on a currently running case. Usually it's nothing special but this year we are working on something that even I haven't seen in the many years I have worked out on the field. As some of you may already know through the news two bodies have been discovered in last weeks, not too far from Washington. Nothing too special you might think. It happens everyday right ?...That is exactly what I thought until I was shown the pictures of the crime scenes. Here's the first one. I'll let you analyze it for a few minutes since this is the first one we'll be working with."

Professor Davis puts on the projector which immediately displays the picture of the first corpse.   
Some people in the Hall start mumbling and a few gasps can be heard.

The projection shows a weeping cherry tree with masses of pink to white flowers. There is a naked dead body hanging on the trunk of the tree. It seems to have been a man in his mid-thirties.   
His arms are tied to a branch on each side. His feet are tied together around the trunk of the tree. His head is falling to his left side.   
But what really catches my eye is that his torso has been cut open and the flesh has been removed leaving a full view of his inner body from his throat down to his hips. Even his ribs and sternum have been removed. However there aren't any organs. His organs have been replaced by colorful flowers differing from one color to another.   
There are red Poppies where his heart should be. Yellow flowers where his lungs should be. For every organ there are flowers instead and in different colors too.

"It's..." I start while I stare at the picture in fascination and search for the right words to say to something this horrible but also so wonderfully calming.

"...Beautiful." Ben replies while gazing at the picture of death but then turns to me.

I look into his eyes and think about what he just said. He is right. It is truly beautiful..as weird as it sounds.

"Yeah. It is." I reply and for a moment I believe I see the corners of his mouth lift up to form a small smile.


	7. Determination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter contains triggers like the mention of rape and dead bodies.

“Now that you’ve had the chance to analyze the crime scene I’m guessing you have a lot of thoughts running through your mind. I know how difficult it can be seeing something this disturbing but this is the world we live in and sadly you’ll be seeing a lot of it during your career. I want you to tell me the first things you’ve noticed about the picture.” Professor Davis speaks after showing us the picture of the first corpse.

A few people in the lecture hall raise their hand including Poe, Cosima and Tyler. I have a lot to point out about the crime scene myself but my anxiety takes over me so I decide to not raise my hand. 

_I would probably say something stupid anyways and make a fool out of myself._

Professor Davis choses Cosima to speak.

“The dead body seems to have been a Man in his mid-thirties. Considering the state of the body I would suggest he was already dead for a few days before he was tied to the tree. His thoracic and abdominal organs have been removed and replaced by different species of colorful flowers. A different species and color replacing each organ. I don’t know if the killer did this intentionally but the scene seems to resemble the crucifixion of Jesus.” Cosima says confidently. 

“Very Good Miss Manning. Anything else anyone would like to add ?”

Nobody raises their hand.

“Very well. Everything Miss Manning said is indeed correct. The victim was Joseph Cooper, 37 years of age and used to work as a priest in a church close to the location the body was found at. However a few years back he was accused of raping a 17 year old girl. The charges were somehow dropped and he got released. He stayed under the radar ever since.  
Her name is Lilly Jones. Sounds familiar ? She’s been in the news a lot lately for speaking up about her traumatic experience, especially after the body of her abuser was found dead. She’s 23 today, fighting for women’s rights and protesting a lot which also caused her to be arrested a few times. Obviously the first suspect would be Miss Jones. However she has an airtight alibi not being in the country at the time of the murder and so does her family. We have no leads to who the Killer could be.” Professor Davis says.

She continues to tell us about how the second crime scene seems to have similarities with the first one suggesting that it was the work of the same killer and how we are allowed to take notes however obviously not share them with anyone outside of this room. 

“Now that you have some more Information about the case I suggest we take a break. I want you to sit with your partner and find out as much as you can about this case and come up with theories or other things you’ve noticed about the crime scene. You will write everything down and hand in the Paper after the break. We’ll meet here again at 1pm so that leaves you 2 hours and 30 minutes.” 

People start to get up and leave the room with their partners.

“So where do you want to go?” I ask Ben hesitantly.

“I don’t care. Somewhere we can work in peace.”

“Well there’s this nice coffee place about five minutes from here if you would like to go.” 

“Sure.”

We get up and start walking out of the lecture hall. I look around to see if Finn is still there but it seems he already left. Ben holds open the door for me and gestures me to step outside first. I mumble a quick thank you and step out.

“Miss Nikana! Wait!”

We both stop and turn around to see a large older dark skinned man walking towards us.

“I’m Jack Crawford.” He shakes my hand as I give him a shy smile. He turns to Ben and shakes his hand.

“You must be Mister Solo.” 

“Yes. Nice to meet you Sir.” Ben replies.

“Likewise. If you don’t mind I would like to have a quick word with Miss Nikana here.” Agent Crawford says as they both glance at me.

“Of course.”

I give Ben a reassuring nod and then watch him leave before I turn to Agent Crawford who leads me towards his office.

__

 

“Take a seat Miss Nikana. Knowing Jack, he probably already told you about my intentions. You probably are aware that Professor Davis and myself know about your traumatic past. This training will probably bring a lot of triggers for you with it. If there’s anything you need just let us know. ” Agent Crawford says sitting in his office chair.

I look at him and then drop my gaze toward my fondling hands as I take a moment to process what he just said.

_OK. Here we go Rey. Be brave. He’s just your boss._

I take a deep breath.

“I’m sorry but with all due respect Sir, I’m grateful for your support and thank you but I would very much prefer if you just treat me like everyone else. I understand my past experiences and all the therapy I’ve been through make you doubt my mental capability and intentions towards this career path. You’ve read my records so you know how hard I’ve worked to get where I am today and you’ve seen my grades. I admit that I probably am sitting here today because Jack put in a good word for me but I would hate to be reduced to my past. Everyone has a past and everyone has struggled. I am not the only one who had a difficult childhood or a traumatic past. Maybe they haven’t experienced what I did in my childhood but they also have their demons and they have probably worked way harder than me to get where we are today. If there’s anything I need, it’s that you treat me like every other person here and give me a chance to prove to you that even someone as traumatized as me can overcome her past and work in this field like any other person. ” I reply as confidently as possible.

To my surprise Agent Crawford chuckles.

“You don’t have to apologize Miss Nikana. I understand and of course we will respect your wish and treat you like everyone else. Please be aware that Jack had nothing to do with you being here. It was your hard work, determination and your courage that got you here.”

_Determination…yes… to avenge my parents…to fill this empty hole inside of me…to find answers…to make things right…to find him and end my suffering_

“Thank You.” I reply as he gives me a reassuring nod. 

I stand up and shake his hand before leaving his office.

_Message to Ben_

_Me: Hey, I’m done here.. where are you ?_

_Ben: I’m at the coffee place._

_Me: ok..I’ll be there in five_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me some time to update, life has been a little stressful lately..  
> I hope you like this chapter!
> 
> i will try to update every week :)


	8. WTF

As I walk towards the coffee place to meet Ben I feel myself getting nervous. Although the moment we shared earlier in class seems to have lightened the mood. 

_Beautiful. He thought it was beautiful…maybe there’s more to him than meets the eye._

The coffee place is quite crowded since it’s so close to the University. The air smells like coffee and freshly baked goods. There are a lot of students sitting around working, chatting or just drinking their coffee in peace.I start to search the room for Ben looking around the place vigorously. I finally see him waving at me from the back sitting at a small table with two chairs.

“Hey, sorry about that. I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.” I say as I take the seat in front of him. 

“Don’t worry about it. What did he want?” Ben asks.

_Oh he just wanted to check on my sanity since my life has been so fucked up and someone always seems to die around me..better run while you still can._

“Oh, there was a mix-up with my file and I just had to answer some questions about myself so they know that I really am Rey Nikana.” I lie.

He considers my lie for a moment looking at me with a strange look while I try not to look suspicious.

“Couldn’t they just ask for your drivers license or ID?” 

_Fuck he’s good. Take a deep breath._

“Well I don’t drive and it’s the FBI we’re talking about. You know how weird they get with this stuff.” I lie again proudly of the fact I came up with a good excuse in time. 

“Yeah, right.” he replies with a funny look on his face and for some reason I feel like he didn’t believe me but he drops the subject so I feel a sense of accomplishment.  
I take out my laptop, paper and pen while Ben takes the last sip of his coffee. 

_Damn I could really do with some coffee..maybe they even have blueberry muffins.._

“I’m gonna grab another cup of coffee. Do you want one?” 

“Oh yes, a cappuccino would be great. wait let me give you some money.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s on me.” Ben says with a small smile and I can’t help but blush. Before I can manage a reply he’s already walking towards the counter. 

My eyes follow him. I notice how tall he really is. My eyes begin to wander over his body, the perfect length of his hair, his broad shoulders, his manly hands gently grabbing the money out of his pocket, his muscular legs until my eyes reach his bottom. A moment passes with me staring and suddenly he turns around with me now looking directly at his privates. I quickly look up to realize he luckily didn’t notice me staring because he is busy trying not to spill our coffees. 

_That was close._

“Thank you!” I say. He puts down my coffee in front of me while taking a seat. He hands me a paper bag. A puzzled look crosses my face.

“It’s a blueberry muffin.”

_Wait…did he…did he fucking read my mind ?_

“They have this new offer. A cappuccino with a muffin for three bucks. The barista saw me read the offer. He didn’t let loose and kept talking about it so I just gave in.” Ben quickly replies.

Smiling I take the bag from him, take the muffin out and split it in half. 

“Here, for your barista trouble.” I say as I hold half of the muffin towards him and gesture him to take it.

“Thank you.” He replies smiling and takes the muffin out of my hands. For a brief moment our fingers brush each other causing goosebumps all over my body but I shake it off. 

“So anyways. About the paper, as we’ve seen the picture resembled the crucifixion of Jesus and the fact that the victim was a priest obviously leads to the conclusion that the killer did that intently, so I’ll write that down first.” I explain to Ben while he nods in agreement.

“Yes. He committed treason to his own religious beliefs, mostly the people who respected his position and trusted a man in his power.” Ben continues. 

“That’s good I’ll write that down too.”

“May I use your laptop for a quick research on Lilly Jones while you write that down?” Ben asks. I nod in reply.

While he types away I write down the notes. Once I finish I think about the picture again.

_What about the flowers? There has to be a reason for the flowers right?_

“I’ve found a blog dedicated to her by some of her fans.” Ben interrupts my train of thought.

“Let me see.”

He turns the laptop so we can both look at the screen. The blog is filled with pictures of Lily protesting, several motivational quotes and random posts from fans admiring her work and commitment. She has tanned skin and long blond hair which she mostly wears in a fishtail braid. 

“Do you notice something ?” Ben asks.

“What? That she’s pretty and outgoing?”

“No, that’s not what I’m talking about, look closer.”

I give him a confused glance but then turn back to the screen which is when I notice what he is talking about.

“The flowers. She’s often wearing flower crowns. The background are flowers and there are several pictures of her posing with or in front of flowers.” I say.

He scrolls down for a few minutes until he shockingly points to a post from her trip to Japan. The picture shows her standing in the middle of the street with a huge smile on her face looking up at the sky, arms stretched out to her sides, surrounded by weeping cherry trees. 

“This can’t be a coincidence right ? That explains the flowers inside the corpse.” 

“Would be pretty uncanny if it was. Besides cherry trees are also a symbol for new beginnings so it makes sense. Through his death she can move on. She has finally received the justice she’s always wanted.” He answers.

_I wish I could have that too. Justice. Closure. Answers. New beginnings._

_Wait…_

“Oh my god. Ben. You’re a genius.” 

“What ? Well yes but what ?”

“The flowers inside him. Symbolism?” 

I quickly search for the symbolic meaning of red poppies which replaced his heart.

“remembrance.” 

Yellow mulleins replacing his lungs.

“Good-nature. Do you remember what kind of other flowers there were ?”

“White roses, Lotus corniculatus and Gladiolus.”

“How do you know so much about flowers?”

“My mother. So what does it say.”

“Well white roses symbolize innocence, the Lotus corniculatus revenge and the Gladiolus strength and honor. But I don’t understand. These things have got nothing to do with the Joseph Cooper. Maybe we’re on the wrong track here.”

“No. They may not have got anything to do with him but they do with Lilly. With the setting of the crime scene the killer wanted to remember her, remind her that she wasn’t forgotten. She is good-natured doing so much charity work and helping others.” Ben explains.

“She is innocent or maybe it symbolizes the innocence of the child she was when it happened. She wanted revenge and she has a lot of strength. The killer wanted to honor her.” I say while looking Ben in the eye. 

He stares back with a grim look on his face not saying a word just giving a small nod. I break the eye contact and start to write everything we’ve just discovered down while he sits there in silence tapping on his phone.

A cappuccino and half a muffin later I’ve managed to write down everything.“I’m all done here. Here read it.” I say as I hand him the paper.

I watch him read it and feel my mind slowly wander off again.

_Working with him wasn’t so bad after all. We do make a good team plus he’s quite alright to look at as I’ve established earlier. Actually he’s definitely really alright to look at._

Ben smirks.

_What the fuck?_

“What? Did I write something funny?” I ask frightened.

“Oh no, no. It’s really good. We should head back. Let’s go.”

I quickly pack my things trying to ignore thinking about what just happened. We silently head towards the lecture hall. Before walking out I take a good look at the counter of the coffee shop and the menu. 

_No offers written out._

___

The door to the lecture hall is already open when we arrive, a few people are already seated. I see Finn and Poe chatting to each other until Finn notices me and gives me a smile. I smile back and give him a wink. While Ben walks up to our seat I hand our paper over to Professor Davis then take a seat next to Ben.

Professor Davis starts talking about something but my eyes drift to Tyler sitting next to Cosima.

_I really don’t want any boy drama but maybe I should give him a chance. After all he did say that I should smile more because I look cute when I smile._

Suddenly Ben glares at Tyler.

_What…the….fuck…No way…_

He quickly turns his attention back to Professor Davis. 

_Can you read my mind ? If yes cough twice…_

I feel my heart racing while I stare at Ben waiting for a sign, hoping that I’m going insane and this is all just my mind playing tricks on me. I wait a few moments. Nothing happens and I feel myself calming down again.

Until i hear them…

two coughs by the man sitting next to me.


	9. Denial

_Ok ok ok Rey, calm down. That was just another weird coincidence. You’re officially going insane. Maybe getting off my meds wasn’t such a good idea. Things like mind-reading don’t exist..this is just your mind playing tricks on you.._

I try to calm myself not listening to what Professor Davis is talking about. I take a glance at Ben who is looking straight forward with a weird look on his face. 

I try to turn my attention back to Professor Davis.

“Well if there aren’t any more questions I’d say we’re done for today. You’ve seen a lot today and I want you to process it. Take your time. If I can give you any advice it’s that you try to not take anything we do here home with you. Try to keep your private life and your work life separate it’ll do you no good if you don’t, trust me on this. Go out, have some fun, take your mind off the things you’ve seen today.” 

_Take your mind off.. ? I need to fucking call my therapist and evaluate my mental state..I’m obviously going crazy.._

Professor Davis dismisses everyone and leaves the lecture hall. I see people gather their things and leave but all I can think about is if I really am ready to do this, to work for the FBI.

Ben shuffles in his seat and slowly turns to me. 

“Rey. You’re not going crazy. Everything was real. I coughed because you asked me to. Please hear me out, you can’t tell anyone, please.” Ben whispers to me.

The whole world around me seems to run in slow motion. I suddenly feel sick to my stomach. I quickly grab my bag and run towards the toilet not looking back at who is calling after me or who is around me.

I slam open the stall door and violently start retching while kneeling over the toilet bowl. I feel my hands becoming numb, my heart racing, sweat running down my face and my chest aching from trying to catch a breath- a panic attack. 

“REY? ARE YOU HERE? REY?” I hear Finn’s voice shouting my name through the bathroom but I can’t seem to speak through the retching. 

“Oh my god Rey! Come here, look at me.” Finn grabs my shoulders, forcing me to look at his face. “Look at me Rey. Put your arms up, like this.” He says putting his arms up. I follow his lead. “Good, now breath with me. C’mon breath in and breath out like me. It’s all okay. Deep breaths. I’m here. Just breath. Everything is going to be ok.” Finn says as he sits down on the bathroom floor facing me.

More than a few minutes pass as Finn and I slowly breath in and out together until my heart rate slows down and I feel my body calming down again.

“You good ?”“

Yes. I think I’m ok now. Thank you Finn.”

“It’s ok. I saw you running out and I immediately knew something was up so I followed you here. What happened ? Did Ben say something to you?”

_Well he did more than say something..I can’t tell Finn until I speak to Ben about this. He did ask me not to tell anyone..but why should I trust him?..I hardly know the guy and he has audacity to infiltrate my privacy and read my thoughts..read my thoughts? What am I even thinking? Things like that do not exist._

“Oh no, no. Ben didn’t do anything. I guess I just felt so overwhelmed all of a sudden. I think it was all that we’ve seen today and then the anxiety about having to work with someone I don’t know and the pressure. I had all these emotions inside of me and I kept pushing them away. I guess it just all hit me at once.” I partially lie.

“You know you can always talk to me about your feelings peanut. I’m here. Don’t push them away just come to me and rant about it.”

I pull Finn into a hug as a ‘thank you’ for helping me and always being there for me. We hug for a moment until reality hits me again.

“You do know you’re in the women’s bathroom right?” I finally say smiling. 

Finn’s eyes grow wide as he’s suddenly aware of his surroundings again. “Oh shit! I didn’t even notice until now! Come on, let’s get out of here before people see me and think I’m a creep.” We both laugh as we get up. 

We walk to his car in the parking lot while I gulp down a small bottle of water that Finn handed me. Everybody has already left by now and I feel relieved that Ben also seems to have left. Finn unlocks the car doors and we get in.

___

“Do you need anything? If you want I can come up and keep you company.” Finn asks.

“No, thank you peanut. You’ve already helped me a lot today. I think I just need some rest.”

“Well don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything.”

“I will.” I reply smiling. 

I give Finn a quick hug and head up to my apartment.

___

Once I take off my shoes and drop my bag, I walk to my bed and let myself fall onto it face down.

“Oh god, what a day!” I sigh out as I turn on my back.

My mind goes back to all the events today surrounding Ben and the mind-reading.

_How is this real ? Things like that don’t exist! They don’t, they don’t, they don’t._

Not really knowing what I’m doing, I grab my laptop and search for real life cases of mind-reading. As expected I don’t find any answers, just random speculations and movie quotes about mind-reading. I try to search for different terms for what feels like hours not finding anything.  
Finally I frustratingly close my laptop and try to take a nap. But I can’t seem to shut off my thoughts. There’s just too many questions. 

_How? Why? How? It’s not real! There has to be a simple explanation…Ugh, I need answers._

I grab my phone and open Ben’s chat. I stare at the keyboard for a few moments trying to think about if I should message him. 

_He has all the answers I need._

Letting out a heavy sigh I start typing.

**_Message to Ben:_ **

**_Me: Hey…can we talk?_ **

I quickly throw my phone next to me and cringe into my pillow. 

**Ding.** __

_Oh god._

I hesitantly grab my phone and unlock it.

**_Message from Ben:_ **

**_Ben: yes, but this isn’t something we can talk about via texting or in public._ ** __

_But I need answers and I can’t rest until I do…I have to talk to him…_

I think for a moment. 

_He’s right. If I really want answers I should invite him over. There’s no other way. Anywhere else would be in public. People would think we’re crazy talking about supernatural stuff like mind-reading like it’s something normal and which by the way really does not exist._

_**Me: How about my place in an hour?** _

_**…** _

_**Ben: ok..text me the address..** _

I quickly text him my address and get up. Thankfully I don’t need to do any major cleaning since all I’ve been doing since I’ve moved in is sleep, eat and watch TV. 

After a quick shower I change into my jeans and a simple hoodie. I start making my bed and pick up my clothes from the bedroom.

_What are you doing idiot? It’s not like he’s going to be in here._

I think to myself and quickly throw my clothes into the closet. There’s still about 20 minutes left so I decide to go into the kitchen and eat an apple while anxiously glancing at the clock. 

15 minutes and an apple later I jump at the sudden loud noise of the doorbell ringing.

_There’s no turning back now…_


	10. Acceptance

Taking in a deep breath I slowly unlock and open the door to my apartment. Ben is wearing a black leather jacket with a dark blue t-shirt and a pair of black jeans. 

„Hey.“ I shyly greet him looking up at him but trying to hide most of my body behind the door.

„Hey.“ He replies with his usual stern facial expression looking down on me.

An awkward moment passes of us just staring at each other not really knowing what to do or say, until I snap back to reality.

„Oh uhh sorry, come in.“ I say quickly opening the door to let him enter my apartment. 

Ben steps in and takes off his shoes which startles but also surprises me because I didn’t expect that of him. He takes off his leather jacket which startles me even more because now I really see how muscular his body is.

_wow…he’s ripped._

Ben suddenly turns to look at me with a smirk on his face.

_Oh fuck._

„Ok. Rule number one: Stay out of my fucking head.“ I state angrily closing the door and walk past him to take a seat on the couch.  
Ben follows me and takes a seat on the opposite end while laying his leather jacket over the armrest. There’s about three feet distance between us. He turns to me.

„I’m sorry. It’s just your thoughts are very loud. It’s hard for me to ignore them. It takes too much energy to try and shut them out.“ He explains.

„What? I don’t know if I should be offended or not.“ I reply crossing my arms over my chest.

He chuckles. I can’t help but smile too. I feel my tense body relax as I realize that I don’t feel nervous around him but comfortable.

„Well how about you start explaining yourself. I have a lot of questions because mind-reading does not exist and I need you to tell me how you know what I’m thinking. Are you some sort of magician? Or illusionist?“

„Sorry to bust your bubble but actually it does exist and we both know it’s real. I’m not a magician.“, he pauses to take a deep breath and then continues „There are forces acting upon life that remain beyond our comprehension.“

„What are you then?“ I whisper.

„There’s an ancient human species called homo virtutis. It was believed to be extinct but it still exists to this day and that’s what I am. We are people who have a special power. We call it the Force. I can read anyone’s mind, extract memories even see them or manipulate memories and thoughts. That’s all we can do..for now. Some believe we will be able to do more with the right amount of training.“

„How many people like you are there?“

„I don’t know. It’s hard to say since most of the people who have the force don’t even know it but people like me, who are skilled and trained can feel the force in people.“

„If everything you say is true. Then why aren’t their any records of the existence of another species? There is no way nobody knows about your existence. What about the government, FBI, CIA?“

„You know how humans are. When they feel safe they are the nicest people you can meet. If you feed their inner demons however or frighten them, you will watch those same humans drop bombs on cities, declare war and kill millions of their own kind. And that’s just what they’ll do to each other. What will they do to another species? That is why I told you that you can’t tell anyone about what happened today.“

I can’t seem to find the right words to say. Everything makes sense now but also leaves me more confused than before.

„I know this is a lot to take in at once.“

„I-I don’t know what to say.“

„Rey.“, Ben whispers and moves in closer to me „I need to tell you something but you have to hear me out. Please don’t freak out.“

I feel my heart rate increasing as I slowly lift my head to meet his gaze. I nod slowly.

„You’re one of us.“ He blurts out and takes a deep shaky breath.

„W-what? No, no. I can’t be.“ I reply shaking my head in disbelief.

„Look at me.“, I do „When we first met yesterday and I caught you after you walked into me I felt this weird connection. During our first class when our eyes met I felt it..the force within you. And today I even feel it even stronger than yesterday. I know it’s hard to believe that anything I’ve told you is true, but it is. Let me show you what I’m talking about.“

He holds out his both of his hands in front, gesturing me to take them. Hesitantly but very curious I slide both of my hands into his, our palms meeting each other. I immediately feel a chill going through my body leaving goosebumps all over my skin. 

„Close your eyes and concentrate on my voice.“ He orders and I obey. 

„Try not to think about anything just relax and concentrate on your heartbeat. Breath. Concentrate on your heartbeat.“ Ben whispers.

At first I find it hard to relax. After a few moments I feel my body relax and I start to do what Ben told me to. A few minutes pass with us just sitting there in silence. Frustrated I sigh, my eyes still closed.

_I can’t feel anything._

„You’re thinking too much just clear your mind.“

I try to concentrate again. Suddenly I feel a tingling sensation inside of me. It flows through my whole body causing my heart rate to quicken but I feel at peace. I hold on to the feeling. I feel a smile form on my lips.

„I feel an energy flowing through my whole body.“

„That’s it. That’s the force. Hold on to it. Open you eyes.“

I open my eyes and look into Ben’s eyes. 

„What am I thinking about? I’ll repeat it in my mind and push the thought towards you. All you need to do is accept it, it’s simple. Try to use that energy. Let it spread to your hands and try to let it flow over my hands into my mind. Follow the energy slowly.“

We both stare into each other’s eyes as I try my hardest to reach Ben’s mind. I try to push the energy to my hands but it doesn’t work.

„Don’t push it. Let it flow. Think about where you want it to be and what you want to do.“

I follow his guidance and feel the energy reach my hands. I concentrate on wanting to accept Ben’s thought. I hear a mumble in my head, like someone is saying something to me but I can’t make out the words. I concentrate harder and I make out Ben’s voice saying something to me in my head.

**_new phone who dis_ **

I gasp and hit Ben on his arm. 

„Ow! I guess you’ve received the message. I just had to.“ He says rubbing his arm on the spot I just hit.

We both start laughing.

„This is all so crazy. I can’t believe this is all happening. What do we even do from here on. What does it all mean?“ I ask.

„You need a teacher. I can teach you the ways of the Force. Luckily we’re partners now so we’ll be spending quite some time together anyways.“

„I don’t know Ben. This is all so much to take in at once."

„I know.“, he replies and gets up from the couch to put on his jacket „I have to leave now. I’ll give you some time to think about all this and process it.“

I get up as well and nod. I follow him to the door where I wait for him to put on his shoes. I try not to think about anything, now that I know he’ll hear. 

„Hey, can you also read my thoughts when I’m not around?“ I ask curiously.

„Well with how much I’ve trained I guess I could with a lot of effort. But for today I’ll let you alone with your thoughts, even now.“ Ben says as he puts on his second shoe and opens the door to my apartment.

„Oh how very nice of you!“ I sarcastically remark. 

He smirks at me then steps out of the apartment. 

„I’ll see you tomorrow. Think about my offer.“ 

„I will. See you tomorrow.“ I reply and close the door.

I lean my back against the closed door and let out a heavy sigh.

_What a day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to one of my favorite shows 'Sense8' for giving me so much inspiration for this chapter!


End file.
